In 2013 I spent 210 days in Europe. Lived in 2 countries. Visited 8 countries, 5 of them for the first time. Had 3 different jobs. Founded 1 company. Raised €25.000. Spoke at 2 conferences, 3 meetups, 2 accelerators. Made friends from 19 different countries. Flew my dog 8000 miles. Went to 1 hackathon, came in 2nd. Took a spontaneous trip to Slovenia. Skied the alps once. Participated in Oktoberfest. Moved across the world, and then came back home.
2013 was a rollercoaster of a ride. I got the chance to do many things I’ve always wanted to, and for that I’m thankful. There was also a lot of hard lessons to be learned along the way, making it a pretty stressful and by no means easy year. Worth it though? Yes. Keeping the same tradition as last year, here’s 5 of the biggest lessons I’ve learned along the way.
1. Trust your gut
I have always given things a fighting chance to work out. Jobs, relationships. I am a fixer by nature, and I try to fix broken things. I keep telling myself “but it might get better and then you’ll want to be here so try your best to figure out what can be mended.” I do like the concept of giving things a fighting chance, but somewhere along the way, I started giving things a chance for too long. I stopped listening to my gut.
In Italy, I formed a company with three other people. One left at the very beginning and we were down to three of us. Soon, problems started arising with one of the cofounders. Big problems that just couldn’t be shoved under a rug. I stuck around for about 4 months after the warning signs emerged, hoping things would get better, trying to make them so. My subconscious was telling me it never would, but I thought in my head, if we could just fix this relationship, we could make a successful business and keep going. It came to a point where I had to make a decision to finally trust my gut or keep fixing. I chose to leave. The next morning, I felt like a load of weight had been finally lifted from my shoulders. I started to feel better too, less stressed and more healthy. I started hanging out with a lot of other people in the program, and made many friends I intend on visiting and working with in the future. Everything finally got better.
Your body can tell you a lot that your mind can’t. Have you ever made a decision but felt sick to your stomach? I have. Something inside you is telling you that it’s the wrong decision. Don’t ignore it. I spent too much time listening to my head this year. Next year, I’m going to listen more to what my gut tells me.
2. The grass may be greener on the other side, but its not your grass
I always wanted to live in Italy. It’s a more relaxing life there. There’s thousands of years worth of history that we don’t have here. In these cases it is better than the US, but we always want what we don’t have. Living in Italy was a great opportunity. I learned a lot about people. About cultures. About bureaucracy. I would never have been exposed to these things had I stayed in NYC. But, I also learned a lot of what we have right here is better. I’m thankful I can come home to that.
When you work in startups, like me, the US provides you with so many more opportunities than many countries in Europe. The bureaucracy I witnessed there was astounding. You’d go broke just trying to incorporate a company in Italy. Most of the people I worked with were trying to come here. I wish our immigration laws would let them. There’s a slew of talented people who could be creating jobs with their startups in this country. For me, I learned this is the right place to be when I start a company.
I by no means want to stop traveling. In fact, I want to travel more. There are still places I want to see, cultures I want to experience. I want to live somewhere else for a while too, experience that city, it’s highs and lows. Berlin is looking pretty good. But I will not take for granted the excellent opportunities we have in the US when it comes to smoother processes, salaries, and starting companies.
3. You don’t have to settle
For the first time in my life, I’m not 100% sure what I will be doing next. I’m fortunate to have many opportunities, and I want to be sure I pick the best one before I dive in with both feet. 2 years ago (hell, last January) not having a full time job lined up would have scared me to death. I couldn’t fathom leaving one company without knowing where I would be next. When I was no longer happy at OpenSky, I started looking for my next opportunity. At first I couldn’t find anything I liked. I had a list of things that were very important to me, but none of the companies I interviewed with fit the bill. After a few months of searching, countless interviews, and many offers turned down, I was offered a job at Conductor. I had reservations about the company culture and the size, but for the most part it looked like a really good fit and I was tired of searching. I took the offer and started quickly after, excited to get to work. After only a month though, I could tell it was the wrong place for me. The culture and the size turned out to be quite different from the environments in which I thrive. It just wasn’t a match. When the opportunity to go to Italy arose, I jumped at a chance to build something of my own.
This time I’m not settling for anything less than “Hell Yes!” I want to find something to work on that keeps me up at night. For now, I am consulting on UX Design, Product Strategy, and Lean Methodologies, something I really love doing (so reach out to me if you want to chat!). I’ve been advising various startups and teaching classes and workshops. By doing the things I love, I’m confident I’ll find something I really want to be a part of instead of settling for something less.
4. Surround yourself with people who make you better
Ever have a friend that always said they would hang out and never followed through? How about a coworker who always put down your ideas? I’ve had quite a few in both categories. This year I learned to cut them loose.
I met a lot of different people this year. Some awesome, some not so awesome. I met people who made me want to stay up until 4am trying to hack things together. I had my first brush with men who could not stand to have a woman CEO. I made some friends who’d let you invite yourself over for dinner on a bad day without warning. I saw firsthand people who would do anything to be perceived as important. There’s a lot of people in the world, and who you choose to associate with has a huge effect on your happiness and productivity. I spent quite some time this year on people who brought me down. They chided my ideas. They ignored my calls. They didn’t support me.
Near the end of the year, I started making some changes and cutting out these people. Turns out, once you get rid of those toxic people, you have room to surround yourself with people who make you better.
5. Let go of your things
I lived for 6 months out of 2 suitcases I brought to Italy with me. When I got there I bought a hair dryer, a toothbrush, and necessarily toiletries. Oh and a fan, because it was DAMN hot in August. Wish I bought that sooner. I didn’t wear some of those clothes because, well, startup life. Also, I only had 2 pairs of shoes once it got cold, but if I had one more pair I probably would have been set.
I opened up my storage when I got home and felt like someone from Hoarders… and it’s really just a small storage! But now all the things I own seem to weigh me down. Why do I keep all those college t-shirts from slope day? Every time I thought about moving in the past I always had some excuse to tie me down. My apartment is too awesome, and I love living with my roommates. I have too many things and I’ve been moving the past 9 years. I REALLY need a tortilla press and 7 coffee makers, so obviously I should just stay here. All these things ended up being a huge burden while I was away, even with a lot of help from some very special people. There were arguments, payments on storage, and just a ton of stress. If I didn’t own so many things, where could I go? Where could I move to if I wasn’t worrying about them?
I’m taking a look at everything I own this year and reducing the clutter. I’m keeping my Cole Haan boots though and by god I will wear them all over NYC, even if I want to sit down, rub my feet, and cry a bit every 5 blocks.